You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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