I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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