my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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