i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
