Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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