I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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