i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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