Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
