so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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