margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just pynch a tree in the face
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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