He had one of those small greek statue penises
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
