The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
