I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
