She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
