go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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