This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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