Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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