once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I am one with the molecules
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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