im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
