its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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