Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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