My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
