Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
And then my night got REAL pukey
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
