well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
