wakey wakey hands off snakey
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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