this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Enjoy the penises
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
