just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
