Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
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I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
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Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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