my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I am naked and annoyed.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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