I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
