my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
