my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
