meet me or not, i'm out of control
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
When are your genitals available?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
