Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I deserve this hangover.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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