I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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