First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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