we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
