girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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