If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
