my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
