I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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