I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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