help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
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I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
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You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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