I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
