Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
