I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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