i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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