She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
