I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
