He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
