The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
