and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
