my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
