I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
