So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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