i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
