plz talk dirty to me
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
All I want is dick and wine.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
