I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He better not be in your backpack
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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