The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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