I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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