thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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