Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
