he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize