If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
