I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
