literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
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