I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
