You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
