I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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