Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
