garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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